Detail from Gothic Cathedral - Barcelona, Spain
Each day as I wander the ancient cobblestone streets of Barcelona's Barrio Gotico, I find myself more and more content with my life and the simplicity of a world without financial commitments or excessive material want. I've been here since February and when I first arrived, I fancied having a nice big apartment, with nice furniture and expensive art. For the first few months here I went that route. It cost me a fortune but somehow I was never really satisfied, despite the fact that I had a great pad that was the envy of some of my poorer friends. But how could I have know any different? After all I was coming from America, a land where, we are taught, money is the road to happiness... If we can just make enough money we can buy that house that will make us truly happy, buy the furniture that will be the envy of our friends, buy the clothes that will make us cool, and if we're really lucky, get into the coolest clubs where we can be surrounded by people who will remind us of how cool and how happy we are... Those illusive clubs exist somewhere, but only if you have enough money and can impress the doorman with your coolness, someday you will, so you think... Ha ha, what a big lie that is! I've come to the realization recently, after many years of owning a house, earning a good income, and having money, a nice car, and having credit card debt and a mortgage and all the rest that goes along with the rat race lifestyle, that those things don't bring happineess, but instead are a prison. They're a prison because we can never be content with what we own, we always want more, want better, etc. The American way of life, which encourages debt, consumption and excess, is a prison life style, and it's no wonder I felt like a prisoner my last few years while in that country.
Port of Barcelona
This nagging feeling of the fundamentally unsustainable practice of endless consumption that typifies the "American way" has been slowly leading me to make some major personal changes over the last few years. First among them is that I've been significantly cutting down on what I own instead of accumulating new things that I don't need. It's an incredibly good feeling! It started with garage sales and giving things away to friends. By the time I sold my home and left hip Santa Fe for the back-country simplicity of Arkansas, all of my worldly belongings fit into the back of my
VW Golf. 6 months later, the only thing I had accumulated was some more songs on my iPod, and some camera equipment (I'm a photographer, after all). I left Arkansas for NY then, to stay with my dad - homeless, but with at least a bed to sleep in. Each phase of this journey led to greater and greater sensations of freedom, as my material load lightened and so did my financial commitments. Granted I wasn't making much money, but I had enough to live on; and who needs more than that? By the time I came to Europe, everything I owned fit into 2 large suitcases. Selling, giving away, and even throwing away the things that I had worked so hard to accumulate for so many years was one of the most liberating things I have ever done. Most of it was crap anyway. It's amazing how much crap we accumulate that we don't need. Believe me, it wasn't easy getting rid of some of it... There's always that voice in the back of the head saying that "some day I'm going to need this hole puncher", or "one day I'll wear this shirt" - even though I haven't worn in the 3 years since I bought it on impulse. Faahh! Get RID of it and get the clutter out of your life! For me, getting rid of most of what I owned was the best thing I ever did. I haven't looked back.
Still, when I first got to Europe I found myself somewhat cash rich, but lacking in "possessions". The "natural", American response to this is to go out an buy! I resisted pretty well, but I did get a nice apartment and decorated it really well (thanks to VISA). Afterall, I'm in Europe and this is "my movie", so why not enjoy the hedonism? Well, it wasn't all that bad, paying almost 800 Euros a month for a flat and being surrounded by nice things... But I still wasn't really "happy"... I was beginning to feel that it was my attachments to the material world that was part of my lingering discontent. Nothing like the depression I suffered while I was back home, trying to pay my mortgage and deal will credit card bills, cursing creation while stuck in traffic jams, feeling guilt for shopping at Walmart, but never really having that a true feeling of "freedom", no matter how much money I made.
This month I moved for the third time since I've been in Barcelona. The first apartment cost twice as much as the second. The second one, gorgeous and full of character, was great but I spent way too much time cleaning and buying things to make it look nice. I felt more like an albatross than a place to rest. "Give it up", the voice inside me said... This month I moved into a creaky, old attic apartment on calle Palau, near Plaza George Orwell (aka Plaza Trippy) in the heart of Barcelona's Barrio Gotico. Bohemian to say the least, but it's lovely, and full of character. It's also a shared apartment, the first time I've shared a place in years. Nothing belongs to me here, it's all furnished and I have a simple small room with a bed and a desk and one window. It costs less then 400€/mo, including utilities (and the all important WiFi connection). It reminds me of how I lived when I was in my 20's. But the funny thing is that I'm really happy not owning anything. The less things I have the more free and content I feel!! The thing that starts to happen when you give up trying to OWN material things, is that more things start coming into your life. I've noticed this a lot. For example, I needed to send a fax the other day. The "American Way of Life" says go get into your SUV and drive to Office Depot and buy a fax machine with your credit card, dammit! This is the old programming... Instead of doing this however, I mentioned to my roommate that I needed to send a fax and she said, "Oh, I have a fax machine, I can't seem to get it to work, but you can try it..." 20 minutes later I was sending my fax and all was well. I've noticed this kind of thing happening more and more as I let go of my material possessions. Things seem to fall into my lap just when they are needed. At the same time my appreciation of the few things that I do own, or even of those things that I don't but still find their way into my life somehow, increases... Things start to take on a new shine, and a new depth... I begin to FEEL the real abundance of the planet in a new way. Maybe we weren't put on this earth to stockpile as much as we can before we die after all?
The other day, I was trying to reach a friend of mine who's a high paid Art Director at an ad agency in NYC. She makes LOADS of money. She always seems to be stressed though, REALLY stressed. I haven't been able to talk to her in over a week because ever time I try to reach her she says she's got to go to work, or at work, or tired from working and can't talk cause she's in the middle of a shoot or a press check. She's usually very brusque too, like she's really pissed off or something (actually she's cursed at me a few times). I've noticed this with a lot of my friends back home, re: work. It seems like they are always working, working, working. Sure they have nice houses and cars and maybe the LATEST iPods, but they all seem like slaves. And isn't that what the American lifestyle is all about? What good does it do to work all the time just so you can have enough money to enjoy your free time with the nicest, trendiest things you can afford? Well, it just seems to me that that ain't livin...
